Category: Uncategorized

Let’s go to the store,
And by a bicycle,
Hopefully it will be,
Just what I want,
And I can use it,
Every day,
And it will be so fun!
But if this bicycle,
Only has three gears,
It won’t be that fun to ride,
And the one at the store,
Has just that,
Why do they make this kind?
Now I’m off to pout,
And look online,
But the options are so bleak,
There are either ones,
Just like this,
Or ones that the price is to high,
Maybe I should go,
Back to build,
One that meets my needs,
But that is hard,
And needs some tools,
That I do not have at hand,
So here I sit,
Writing this poem,
That doesn’t sound that good.
-Aaron E-J

Newspapers & Their Readers

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country — if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country … or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

Listen to the MUSTN’TS, child,
Listen to the DON’TS
Listen to the SHOULDN’TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON’TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me –
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.
-Shel Silverstein

“Who’s on First” – new version

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the leader of China.

George: that’s what I want to know.

Condi: that’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The man in China.

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now what are you asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you know tell me the name of new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he’s dead in the Middle east.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Than who is?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No sir.

George: Look Condi, I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General or the U.S. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No thanks.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi.

George: No, but now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the UN.

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the UN.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the UN?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: And stay out of the middle east! Just get me the guy at the UN.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right, with cream and two sugars.